The Dirtest Song That Ain't
by A Wolf's Nightmare
Summary: For some unknown reason, Aaron is unable to curse or use dirty puns. What is causing this sudden vocabulary change?
1. Same Old Aaron

"Careful! Careful!" Humphrey exclaimed. Karen tried to park the submarine in the abandoned dock where she crashed a bit at the front. It jolted everyone forward, but no one was hurt.

"Are you okay, Kate?" Humphrey asked. She nodded. Hutch stayed silent the whole trip looking at the new Aaron. No one knew that he was Aaron and for the whole trip, it confused them.

The wolves walked on the land while Aaron ran up and kissed the ground.

"Thank God for land!" He exclaimed. Humphrey chuckled. Kate looked at him and whispered.

"So, are you going to tell us about him?" She asked.

"Fine, Aaron!" He yelled. He looked back and walked towards him.

"What are you still doing here? Can't you see that everyone is leaving?"

"Don't you think it's time to tell them?" Humphrey motioned to Kate and Hutch.

"Sure, sure. Let's go to my den." They group walked as Kate and Hutch looked at this weird wolf.

Walking up the small rock into the den where Winston once slept, they saw Lilly trying to get Saul to go to sleep.

"We're back!" Humphrey said with a smile. Lilly looked at them in surprise and sighed.

"Thank God! I don't know how Aaron and Hutch take care of him… he has been a real pain in my tail." Saul gasped, offended by her comment.

"I take offence to that!" Saul said as he stood up.

"You bit me for three days and peed in Garth's hair." She remembered. Saul giggled a little.

"Fun week, huh?" Lilly sighed.

"You can watch him for now. Where's Aaron? Saul kept bugging me to tell him stories about him." Humphrey and Aaron looked at each other.

"I'm Aaron." He said in his new southern voice. The group there, except for Humphrey, dropped their jaws in surprise.

"Nope. Don't believe that." Kate said bluntly. Hutch, Lilly, and Saul nodded in agreement. Aaron sighed.

"Okay, I got a few ideas." Aaron went over to Hutch and kissed him on his muzzle. When he retracted, Hutch looked at him in confusion.

"Aaron?" He asked. Aaron nodded.

"No, that's not him…" Kate said as she back away a bit.

"It really is me!" Aaron pleaded.

"Prove it. I remember Aaron telling me something about his favorite things. What were they?"

"Condoms, sex, partying, and science." Aaron answered. Hutch looked over at Kate.

"It really is him." He said.

"I was on the brink of death and I regenerated." Aaron explained. Kate gave him a confused look.

"Aaron is immortal. Which means no matter how much you stab him, he won't die."

"Of, course. Because of the leaves in Jasper."

"What?" Lilly asked. Saul then spoke up.

"Should I be here?"

"Stay. Everyone needs to here this." Everyone was silent. "I am the same Aaron you saw before. I have two enemies that are idiot humans and a sister named Stacy."

Saul went up to him and started to sniff him. He smelt a lot more different than Aaron.

"What planet are you from?" He asked. Aaron chuckled.

"Saul, you were always skeptic. Can I… hug you?" Saul froze. Hug him? Was he shot in the head and had brain damage?

"Sure…?" Aaron went over and hugged him. For a strange reason, he felt comfortable hugging him. Just like he was hugging…

He pushed him away and exclaimed. "Daddy!" Aaron laughed and hugged him some more.

Kate and Lilly stood there awestricken. Was this really Aaron?

"Any lady want to join, there's room for two more." Kate and Lilly groaned. Yep, it was Aaron.

"I'm glad that… oww!"


	2. If I really knew

"What happened?" Humphrey asked. Aaron scratched his head as he groaned.

"I think a mosquito bit me…" He continued to scratch. "The only time I want someone or something to bite me is during sahhhhhh…." Aaron stopped for a second.

"During what?" Lilly asked.

"Um, when I'm fuuuuu…" Aaron then stopped again. What was happening?

"Are you okay?" Hutch asked.

"I'm fine, you dooooo…." Again he stopped. Hutch looked at him with an angry look.

"What were going to call me?" He asked angerliy. What is wrong with Aaron?

"I was going to call you something, but some Shhhh… ooting thing is not letting me to."

He continued to scratch his head. What was wrong with him?

"We should leave you alone…" Lilly said. Humphrey, Kate, and Lilly walked out of the den as Aaron kept on scratching.

"Do you think that his weird behavior has something to do with him, you know, regrouping?"

"It's called, 'Regeneration'." Humphrey corrected.

"Alright… I'm glad everyone is safe, but don't be a smarty pants." Kate laughed. Humphrey smiled. That's his girl…

Back at the den, Aaron couldn't stop scratching his head. This made Aaron angry. Hutch and Saul looked at him in confusion.

"What's wrong, daddy?" Saul asked fearfully.

"I don't know what the he…ck is going on." He stopped.

"Why aren't you cursing like normal?" Hutch asked.

"I wish I knew…" Aaron said. "Maybe I need a walk. Where's my di…aper…?" Hutch and Saul looked at him in confusion.

"Your diaper?" Saul asked.

"Um… let me go…" With that, Aaron left his den.

"What's wrong with fun daddy?" Saul asked Hutch. He shrugged.

"I don't know… wait, 'fun' daddy?" Hutch asked. Saul looked scared for a second.

He started to laugh nervously. "Um… oh, would you look at that! It's time for bed." He started to yawn and curled up in a ball in the corner.

"Huh, fun daddy…"

Hutch left the den in search for Aaron. He knew he couldn't be alone at this time. No matter what, Hutch would be there for him.

Aaron continued to walk through the forest and kept scratching his head. This really annoyed him. And why wasn't he cursing like normal? It wasn't like him at all.

"I wish I had an answer…" Aaron sighed.

"Do you really want to know…?" A tiny voice asked.

Aaron looked around. "Who is there?" No answer.

"Weird." He continued to walk into the forest scratching his head.

"I'm weird? I think you're weird…" Another tiny voice said.

Aaron looked around again. "Who's there?" He asked. No answer. Was he going crazy?

"I think I'm going bonkers…"


	3. BARRELS!

Hutch walked through the forest trying to search for Aaron. He looked in his old den, the river, the gorge… nothing.

It wasn't like Aaron to walk off like that. But, then again, he had just undergone some type of transformation. It could be that… or something more deadly. Hutch noticed he was in the middle of the forest.

"Where am I?" He asked himself. He looked left and right. He then looked up and saw the blue sky and a flock of birds. He wasn't near Jasper…

Meanwhile, Aaron tried to figure out why he was hearing voices. It couldn't be his imagination, for he had a strong one and was able to control it. Aaron sniffed the air.

Nothing unusual. He then saw the leaves on the ground. He smiled.

"Thank God for those." He was of course referring to the chemicals that were in Jasper Park leaves that kept him from regenerating and just immune him from death.

Aaron sighed. "At least the itching stopped." He patted his head.

"That was the beginning…" The tiny voice spoke again. Aaron gasped.

"Who's that?!" He yelled as he looked around. Of course, no one was there. Was it him, or was he going crazy. Aaron spoke up.

"Stephano! Is that you?" He asked as he laughed nervously and heart beating. "It can't be Stephano…."

He thought for a second. He gasped and yelled. "BARRELS! I'm tired of your complaining, you traitors!"

He looked around. He shrugged and started to walk. In his head, he repeated to himself that there's no one there. As he walked he continued to hear a tiny voice.

"Aaron… I'm controlling you…" He breathed nervously.

"I don't care! You're just a fatty…" He told the voice.

"Okay… but your mom… she's a fatty…" The voice insulted.

"I know! And it's a disgrace!" He said in a disappointed tone.

"That's no way to talk… to your mom…" The voice said in its usual echoing voice.

"I can say what I want." Aaron stated proudly.

"Really?" The voice asked.

"Anything except curse words."

"Ahhh!" The voice replied with a sort of obvious smile.

"What?" Aaron asked. The voice began to laugh.

"The heck is wrong with you?" Aaron asked. He was really confused. And where was this voice.

"Don't you get it? I'm…" Before it could finish, Hutch ran in and saw Aaron. He smiled.

"Aaron!" He called out. Aaron then looked up at him and laughed. He waved at him.

"Oh, Hutch. Thank God you're here." He started to walk towards him when he heard a cracking noise. He turned to see a tree behind him.

"Aaron, move!" Hutch shouted. Aaron's eyes widened. He ran towards Hutch when suddenly he tripped over a rock.

"Oof!" He fell with a thud. He looked behind him and saw the tree falling down.

He closed his eyes and so did Hutch. What they heard next was silence. Complete and utter silence.

Hutch shivered as he slowly opened his eyes. What he saw wasn't pretty.

"Oh…God…" He whispered.

Aaron started to open his eyes. The tree had missed him completely and just hovered over him. He sighed in relief.

"Thank God…" He whistled. He looked down and screamed in horror.


	4. Out on a Limb

Aaron and Hutch both looked in horror. Aaron's left hind leg was stuck in a branch tree and pinned to the ground.

Aaron tried to move it off his leg, but it was fruitless. He looked to his left and saw a stick, a pointed rock, and grass. He quickly started to construct something.

Hutch then noticed something. A small insect came off of Aaron's head. It grew as more of the same insects came and made a small rock-sized bug. It was a termite!

"What?" Hutch asked, dumbfounded.

"That's right!" The voice squeaked. Aaron heard this.

"Wait… you were in me!" The termite group laughed.

"Of course it was me! I crawled into your head and stopped you." The termite said manically.

"I'm confused?" Hutch said. This was confusing.

"Well, you see…" The termite started to explain. "I roam the Earth looking for animals that curse. So far we found and cured them of this disgusting habit. Then we met Aaron."

"Touching story guys, but I am out of here!" Aaron said. He had just finished making a make-shift axe.

He slowly aimed and took a swing, only for the pointed rock he had tied fall off the stick and into some bushes.

He looked at the stick and noticed it was pointed.

"You can't do anything!" The termite laughed. Hutch also couldn't do anything. He didn't know what to do.

Aaron looked at the termite creature. "There's one thing I can do…"

"What's that?" It asked. Aaron looked at the stick and raised it. He then brought it on his leg and stabbing it. This made some blood squirt out and Aaron scream in pain.

"What are you doing?!" Hutch asked, afraid of the answer.

"Don't worry… I got this…" He groaned. He continued to cut his leg, trying to free himself. He then heard a 'Tin'!

He had hit the bone. The stick couldn't penetrate it and made Aaron scream in more pain. He then stopped and cried. He saw and picked up a rock next to him and used it to hammer the stick in.

The termite creature laughed. He enjoyed Aaron's pain. With one final hammer, the stick went through and Aaron hollered. But then the stick was stuck in his bone.

He tried to take it out, but broke the bone and severed his leg in the process. Aaron sighed in relief. The stick was broken, but he didn't care. Thank God that was over.

"Um, Aaron… I don't know how to tell you this…" He looked at Hutch then at his leg.

"Huh?!" He did a double take and screamed. He severed the wrong leg! He sighed and took another stick that was next to him and pointed.

He put his severed leg in his mouth to bite down on and jabbed his leg. He screamed as this happened.

Hutch felt sorry for him. "Help him!" He shouted at the termite.

"Are you kidding me? This is fun!"

"This is sick. But not as sick as when Aaron had his mucus on me." He trailed off.

Suddenly, the termite creature hissed. "Don't say mucus!"

"Why, it's not dirty? It sounds like it is. Just like melon." The termite creature hissed and fell.

Hutch had an idea. Maybe he could save everyone.


	5. BiTrektiual

"Hutch… what are you doing?" Aaron groaned as he stabbed his leg. Hutch didn't answer.

"What happened, you beast? You don't like melon? I love melon!" Hutch said with a smile.

The creature was writhing in pain and hissing on the floor. Hutch got him now.

"You know, I love anything that is sci-fi. You might call me Bitrektual."

The creature hissed and began to decay. Acid began to flow out of it and it writhed in pain.

"And another thing I like about sci-fi is that the androids there are fully functional and atomically correct. I mean, if they could, their thrusters could explode in everyone's wormhole."

The creature decayed and left a small black puddle that continued to hiss.

"STOP! You are cursing!" The creature replied.

"No I'm not. It's dirty, but it ain't." He said with a laugh. "In fact, later today, I'm going to shove my razor-beast into Aaron's Jeffries tube."

The black puddle then disintegrated. Hutch smiled. His job here was done.

"Hutch…" A voice spoke weakly. He turned to see Aaron with only his front legs and back legs chopped off.

Hutch ran over to him. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked. Aaron nodded.

"Take me… to the edge… of Jasper…" He ordered. Hutch complied. He placed Aaron on his back and walked.

It took him a while before arriving at the Jasper Park sign.

"Here!" Aaron said. "Place me… outside the boundary…" Hutch did as he was told.

"Watch some magic happen…" Aaron said as he whispered into Hutch's ear. Hutch backed away as he saw Aaron's back legs glow an orange/yellow color.

He was lifted as the color burst through his mouth and Hutch covered his eyes. When he opened them, he saw Aaron lying down. He then stood up and saw that Aaron had both his back legs.

It was a miracle! How was this possible? Hutch was lost for words.

Aaron smiled at him. He had a million questions, but one answer from him.

"You… can regenerate? Just like you and Humphrey said…" Hutch asked.

"Yep! Better as ever!" He showed his back legs. Hutch laughed as he hugged him.

"Oh, Hutch…" He asked. "If I'm about to die, take me here to regenerate. It's the only way I can survive."

"Sure thing…" He whispered.

"Great! Now let us get the hell out of here! I love to fucking curse…"

Hutch smiled. Same old Aaron.

They both walked back to their den.


End file.
